Grief: You Are Not Alone

(Preface: I thought it was important to be really open with my emotions in this post about grief, because I’m almost positive you’ve felt the same at some point, and I want you to know that you’re not the only one feeling those feelings, and that no matter how overwhelming they are, you will make it through it.)

Have you ever been in the midst of some tragedy so intense that it’s all you can do to just get through it? That feeling where it feels like your very soul is aching, and you’re so full of emotion you feel like you’re going to burst, and even though you know people around you are hurting too, you still feel like you’re on an island entirely on your own?

That feeling that causes all these thoughts that this unimaginable event is somehow your fault, and you should’ve done some heroic thing to stop it. When it feels like there’s an anchor attached to your heart, dragging you into a heavy exhaustion, and you wish you could get over the emotion and just go numb, but that’s not an option because your body is so stuck in fight or flight that you literally can’t relax… but you also can’t think?

It’s the feeling of grief.

I’ve done my share of grieving, having daily bouts of tears until I could finally see my therapist, hoping she would have some magic cure to stop the breakdowns, and just get over it already – basically, just desperately hoping for a quick fix, a magic spell or something that will lift the grey cloud. Like, “I get it, I’m sad. Can I be done crying now?”

I know this seems like a pretty downer post for a blog that’s meant to share how to find the light in dark moments – how to be a flashlight. But grief is a thick darkness to trudge through, and sometimes flashlights flicker.

Every time I go through the exhaustion of grief, I ask my therapist what the quick fix is. Every time, she tells me that when it comes to grief, you need to let yourself feel your feelings, and just keep on living – to go outside, get some exercise, and let your body feel and release emotions. Otherwise they bottle up, and it makes it a lot harder to click your flashlight back on. But most important is to remember your support system: that you are not alone.

I tend to forget that part. But after therapy, I went on a walk with some friends. They made me laugh, the sunset created peace, and the light breeze felt like it was breathing new life into me. By the time I got home, I felt the anchor on my heart start to raise, and a flicker of light appeared.

So the next day, I went and had tea with a friend, which turned into dinner with more friends. And the light got even brighter.

I forgot that I’m not the only one with a flashlight – I just needed a few more to create enough light for me to find to find the strength to click mine back on.

You can make it through. I promise.

"Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown." - Michael Scott

If you find yourself struggling to find a flashlight or have trouble expressing grief to someone you know, here are some resources to help.

You are not alone.